A haunting

...you still whisper
in my ear...

...you still linger
on my lips...

...you still breath
in my air
that I expel
with passion
and want
and love...

The full moon
laughs
at my lust
as I peer upwards
and wonder
if you see
what I see...

...did you ever
feel
what I feel?

spirits
of lost love
pace
my halls
as I brace
the door
desperate
to keep
you from
escaping
my grasp.

I block
what I cannot have
and deny
what is not mine
even as the waves
erode the shores
as the tides
change.

The nectar
that once filled
my veins
with a glee
akin
to sublime intoxication,

the scent
that once
infected
my senses,

the silken
alabaster flesh
that once
succumbed
to my touch,

the pleasure
that once
fulfilled
my dreams

now

breaks
what is left
of my heart.

The last ship
has left
this empty port
leaving nothing
but silence
and emptiness
to fill
my soul

while the winds
weep
for me.

she is

she is exactly
what I want to wake up to
forever,

exactly
what I want to see
on the other side
of my hot coffee,

exactly
who I want to kiss me
goodnight,

exactly
what I wish for
when I am alone
and terrified
in the dark,

perfectly
the vision
I see
when my lids snap shut
for just a moment
and the image
lingers...

she is
what I would draw
if I were the artist
I wish I were

she is
what I would describe
to describe
the muse
that cast a spell
and became
a prearranged thing
in my mind
defined
by certain details
and images
and descriptions
and such things...

she is
what I see
in my dreams

thus
the delightful dread
of knowing
what cannot be mine...

but the stumbling
is supposed to hide
the lament,

the droning on
about mundane things
is meant to distract
from the lust
and the love
and the death
of knowing
the center
of such a passionate
flame...

she is
what should be
and that I never knew
could be
but now
just might be
so that now

she is…

and I am glad.

pensive rendezvous

Sweet whispers
in her ear
drunk
in the fog
of her intoxicating scent,

her cheek
near enough
to kiss
but instead
I missed
favoring
a brush
with the tip
of my nose.

Her heat,
her softness,
the electricity
all coalesced
into embrace
and comfort
that filled
and spilled
over my rim.

My vessel
is too small
to hold the volume
of this sea.

Her beauty
is too beautiful
to resist
as is her kiss,
her gaze,
her demure
defects
and the way
she glides
across the floor.

A perfect union
never to bear fruit
blossoming in the dark
of a crisp night.

Bittersweet rosebuds
litter my steps
as I stumble
and fall
away from her.

The dawn rises
like a terrible flame
engulfing
my panicked,
cowardly departure
from the very thing
I desire.

The calculations
and equations
of the arithmetic
of it all
boggle
my weary mind.

The cruelty
and fickle nature
of the universe
is a source
of great irritation today.

This pensive rendezvous
came to me like a gift
that I am not allowed
to open,

meant to sit
under my tree
and torment me
with what might be hidden
within.

A temptation
impossible
to ignore.

A possibility
I have been told
that should be both embraced
and denied.

A love
that will live
only in me
and that for now
I refuse
to let die.

remnants of a falling star

how far
the falling star
will fall
to leave a scar
charred
by the passing heat
as the light streaks
across a cold
and lonely sky

try and try
the fool will proclaim
that he might refrain
from the fallow fields
littered with the debris
of beauty
scattered
and fragile dreams
shattered
beneath the hammer
delivering the blow...

I know not
what I do
but I remember
you
and end up
walking in tiny circles
inside my mind
trying to find
the key
to open the door
and banish the angst
to a place
of nevermore

before
I loose
my mind...

promises

the way I'd like to see it
is so often the path
to deception
and dread

in so many lands
the refusal
of bread
is offensive
to the point
of death

one breath
too many
offered
in the guise
of truth

intention
is no proof
of intent
and the latent
contempt
kills
slowly

like a cancer
coldly
infiltrating
leaving little stings
all along
the way

the day will come
when I will no longer
be able
to shun
that
which I truly
want
deserve
believe

and then
I pray
for the relief
of rapture

a moment
my soul
can capture
and germinate
and clone

one moment
that will save me
from the endless
alone
I know

and in these days
of uncertainty,
confusion,
desire
and void
of direction
I move either
too fast
or too slow
to capture
the beauty
and gems
that come to my hand...

so it is
that often
the gold
slips through
even as I am bemused
by the grand vision
of gold sun
dancing
in clear water
cooled
by the long journey
down.

My vision blurs,
my voice falters,
my mind
fails me

and then
I just stand
and smile
and nod
and secretly pray
for something
to say
to impress
my self-worth...

yet I am so often
just
simply
lost
in the presence
and witness
of what
I want.

I fail
when it counts

...gasp...

panatone screams
saturate
my dreams
wet
with the moist
temptation
of yesteryear
permeating
and inundating
my fragile skull...

so much
still to be said,

even more
has been lost
and the cost
adds up
to a monumental bill

the will
swells
and spills
for the folly
of the dam
to dare
to contain
the incalculable weight...

I dare not curse
that she might share
my fate
for the date
some healing
may portend
has passed
in a flash
of regret
and lament
passed on
beyond the content
of what was
and might
have been...

the fool ponders
what he would pretend
daring to upend
the fragility
of a fickle now...

a scent
on a random breeze
comes
to torture
and please...

he dares
not breath
for the pieces
of shattered glass
are held together
with a nervous hand
after retrieving
all but one shard
from the floor...

more
is all
he wanted
but the end
is what
he received.